Note: I have been making these fake OkCupid profiles for some time now, but for this installment, I decided to hand over the reins. It is truly my honor to present the following OkCupid profile (and for the very first time, correspondences with other OkCupid users), written ENTIRELY by the esteemed poet and writer, Dr. Maya Angelou:

OkCupid User: heymisterDJ
18 / F / Bisexual / Single
Van Nuys, California

My self-summary
I am a Woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal Woman,
that’s me.

What I’m doing with my life
My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

I’m really good at
Poetry is music for the human voice. Until you actually speak it or someone speaks it, it has not come into its own.

The six things I could never do without
Peace, My Brother.
Peace, My Sister.
Peace, My Soul.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
A story went the rounds about a San Franciscan white matron who refused to sit beside a Negro civilian on the streetcar, even after he made room for her on the seat. Her explanation was that she would not sit beside a draft dodger who was a Negro as well. She added that the least he could do was fight for his country the way her son was fighting on Iwo Jima. The story said that the man pulled his body away from the window to show an armless sleeve. He said quietly and with great dignity, “Then ask your son to look around for my arm, which I left over there.”

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

I’m looking for
Guys who like girls
Ages 18–22
Near me
For casual sex

You should message me if
When a person shows who they really are, believe them. I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.

Maya Angelou’s works can be found at your local public library, I guess. For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.